I’ve been very hit or miss with online dating, however, I decided to give it another try. Signed up. Created my profile. Ready! Then it happened… I received my first message from an older, somewhat handsome man that we’ll call Sean. So I checked him out. A doctor, oh a podiatrist—even better! If you’re a grown woman and have two bad feet like I do, you’d be excited about that, too. I know the ladies feel me on that one!
So we arranged to do a meet and greet at a local coffee shop. He showed up looking casually nice—jeans, white collared shirt, untucked. Okay not bad! I was casual as well—tan flowing skirt, tank top, and wedge sandals. We kept the conversation short and sweet before deciding to continue things at dinner the next evening.
He handled everything, which I loved! Folks who know me well know that I’m not a foodie at all, so I will always defer to the person I’ll be dining with to decide on a place. Reservations were for 7:30 pm, and he would pick me up at 7 pm. I put on my new black and cream striped dress, gold earrings, gold diamond necklace, and of course, my stilettos! Like most women, I kind of have a thing for shoes. You fancy, huh? I certainly thought so.
It’s almost 7 pm, so put the finishing touches on my make-up and done! I said and done! I’m ready! Hello? I’m ready! Well, he wasn’t. I decided to call and ask his ETA, and he said he was close. So I waited.
It’s now 7:15 pm and I’m still waiting. Sean finally arrived at 7:30 pm. So much for punctuality. He parked out front, and I walked outside of my apartment to meet him. He got out of the car to open the passenger door for me and that’s when I saw it! Old man pants!!! He was wearing collared shirt and tie, with pants that went all up to his rib cage! Is he for real? What happened to the man I met yesterday? It was as if the night before I was vetted by Stefan, then Urkel showed up for the actual date! Really? Were we going to dinner or dancing at the Flamenco Room in his zoot suit pants? Then I hit me, he probably had on old man jeans the night before, but I couldn’t tell because his shirt was outside and covered the waist of the jeans. Okay, okay take a minute, it’s just pants. All right, I can roll with them for one night. Besides, a wardrobe is cosmetic and you can always help someone spruce up their wardrobe and find their “new” waistline, so not a deal breaker.
Since we were now late, I asked if he had already called the restaurant to push the reservation. Cocky he replied, “They’ll wait for us.” I thought to myself, oh he’s that guy… great. You know the kind of guy who thinks his money affords him all types of courtesies even when it doesn’t?
The car ride. “Do you mind if have music playing?” Being accommodating, of course, I said I didn’t mind. I really didn’t mind, as long as he kept it low so that we can hear each other talk. After all, this was our first real time together. At least I didn’t mind until the next song came on and he turned the volume all the way up! I mean all the way up! “This is my jam!” Yeah, I kind of just caught that, as well as a headache from the volume being on blast.
I’ll admit that we all have our “that’s my jam” moments that can overtake us. But his jam was a Freddie Jackson song! Really? I knew the 80s were back in fashion, but come on! Are you for real? And just like that, the hip older guy that I thought I met the night before was gone, only to be replaced by nothing more than just a plain old man! I guess he decided that hearing his jam wasn’t enough, so he took it to the next level and began to sing along. I’ll admit, he could hold a tune and initially, I was complimentary saying “Wow! You’re a really great singer!” Apparently, that was a big mistake because he took that as permission to continue singing. And so he did. I’m sorry, I don’t think you guys understand, I said he continued! Like he didn’t just sing that song, he continued to turn his singing into a full-blown, old school R&B performance and sang every song that he played! My sarcastic remarks like “You should really go on one of those shows like America’s Got Talent” and “The Voice is really missing out on you” were completely lost on him. It only served to feed his ego. His one-man concert lasted all the way over the hill to the restaurant, not offering an ounce of conversation to the stranger sitting in the car next to him. You already know like I knew right then and there… this was going to make for a long ass night!
So after carpool karaoke ended, we pulled up to this chi-chi-frou-frou restaurant in Beverly Hills. He was definitely trying to impress. Now I’m really not that fancy, but I clean up well. Very well, I might add! The valet opened my door and offered a generous compliment as he assisted me out of the car. We entered the restaurant and the hostess immediately escorted us to our table. As we passed by the other patrons, two other men complimented my dress and my beauty. Note: Sean still had not! However, after hearing the compliments of others, he finally did as well. Well thanks a lot, Late Leonard!
The evening was rolling along, but I’m a teeny bit salty about him being unapologetically late and inattentive, especially since he had previously told me how chivalrous, and gentlemanly he was, neither of which I’m seeing at all at this point! Dinner conversation... sigh. It’s polite. You know the kind, where I’m listening, but I’m not really invested. Especially once he began telling me about how he doesn’t do “typical” black men things. So he’s one of those? Trying to impress me with what he believes are “non-black” activities like golfing or skiing. Dude, please! Every Black person I know plays on courses, hits the slopes, snorkels or jumps out of planes! Go somewhere with that outdated foolishness! I was probably rolling my eyes by now.
Sean moved on to talking about his career and spoke at length about his job examining and correcting feet! Boring to some, maybe, but this was actually when my ears perked up to hear the good part because remember… me + my two feet = a pair of bad feet! Yes, tell me all about it, while I take mental notes of which services I’m going to need to get these bad boys in tip-top stiletto shape! Collapsed arches, neuromas, metatarsal pads... Yes, yes! More! More!!!! However, before I could get more delicious podiatric details out of him, he switched subjects on me rather abruptly. “So let me tell you what I’m looking for.” Ummm okay. Mind you, he didn’t begin by asking me what I’m looking for. I guess he figured he was the total package, so I was looking at everything I wanted. Um no. HA! That was fine. Let’s have him go through his little song and dance and get it over with since he already had some marks against him.
“I’m looking for companionship, someone that I can travel with and enjoy life.” Then bitterly stated: I am NOT looking to get married nor have children.” Let’s take a step back here for a second. That is NOT what his profile said, but that is, in fact, what mine said that I’m looking for—marriage and kids. So knowing that why would he bother to contact me? I’m sure he found out that if he did write that in his profile, his options would be significantly lower, so he kept it out and hoped that his profession, money and overwhelming charm would win the damsel over. How about NOT! So now you’re wasting your time with me, but more importantly, you’re wasting mine!
I immediately realized by his tone that he was trying to bait me. However, I didn’t go for the okey-doke and give him what he wanted— black girl attitude. “Well marriage isn’t for everyone,” I said. “Nor is having kids, it’s all about choices.” He was stunned. “Wow, that’s not the reaction that I expected at all.” Told y’all I knew what he was doing! So I had to ask: “Well what were you expecting?” He had yet to realize that I’m smarter than the average bear, and only asked to confirm what I already knew. Now when someone is dead-set firm in their beliefs, there is no way that I will try and dissuade them. It’s a waste of energy and again, my time. So no thanks! “Usually when I tell women that I’m not interested in those things, they immediately blow up and get an attitude like what’s wrong with getting married and wanting a family?” Again, I didn’t react the way he thought I would, so he relaxed and I continued to disarm him. “No, I get it. And if that’s what you’re looking for you should absolutely get everything that you want.” I’m sure he thought to himself, okay. She might be a keeper! HA! He’d love that! I am a keeper, but not for his ass.
Fortunately for me, that’s when the waiter crossed over and saved me from having to delve deeper. “Your dessert.” Ahhhh, the chocolate soufflé! Yes, I am absolutely having some dessert, the sweetest thing to happen this evening! Thank you, Lord! The night was finally coming to an end and I was indeed thankful. That was some damn good dessert, too. I’m just sayin’.
Oh, look at the time, time to go! Yes, please.The valet brought the car around and I couldn’t wait to get in so I could get home. Shit, for all of the fooleywang tonight that I endured, my ass could’ve stayed home and had a V-8!
I know what you’re wondering… Did he sing in the car on the way back to my house? Think he didn’t when he did? Damn sure did! But this time, I sang along with him because I knew it was his swan song goodbye. Plus I can’t sing a lick, so I was totally messing up his show!
Finally, we were back in front of my apartment, ending much like it began. Getting picked up and now dropped off by a virtual stranger. I exited the car and thanked him for dinner.
“Yes, it was great. Hopefully, we can do it again, Gabrielle.” Well keep hope alive, brother because that won’t be happening anytime soon! HA!
As I walked to my apartment I reflected on the evening and how disappointed I was with its outcome. Not because of the date itself, I mean Sean was a total hot mess of a grown man, but no, it wasn’t that. It was really because I still have two bad feet and my hope of free podiatry services is now gone!!!
But y’all know he called the next day, though, right?! Please! I don’t think so wannabe Freddie! DELETE! Next!!!
So we arranged to do a meet and greet at a local coffee shop. He showed up looking casually nice—jeans, white collared shirt, untucked. Okay not bad! I was casual as well—tan flowing skirt, tank top, and wedge sandals. We kept the conversation short and sweet before deciding to continue things at dinner the next evening.
He handled everything, which I loved! Folks who know me well know that I’m not a foodie at all, so I will always defer to the person I’ll be dining with to decide on a place. Reservations were for 7:30 pm, and he would pick me up at 7 pm. I put on my new black and cream striped dress, gold earrings, gold diamond necklace, and of course, my stilettos! Like most women, I kind of have a thing for shoes. You fancy, huh? I certainly thought so.
It’s almost 7 pm, so put the finishing touches on my make-up and done! I said and done! I’m ready! Hello? I’m ready! Well, he wasn’t. I decided to call and ask his ETA, and he said he was close. So I waited.
It’s now 7:15 pm and I’m still waiting. Sean finally arrived at 7:30 pm. So much for punctuality. He parked out front, and I walked outside of my apartment to meet him. He got out of the car to open the passenger door for me and that’s when I saw it! Old man pants!!! He was wearing collared shirt and tie, with pants that went all up to his rib cage! Is he for real? What happened to the man I met yesterday? It was as if the night before I was vetted by Stefan, then Urkel showed up for the actual date! Really? Were we going to dinner or dancing at the Flamenco Room in his zoot suit pants? Then I hit me, he probably had on old man jeans the night before, but I couldn’t tell because his shirt was outside and covered the waist of the jeans. Okay, okay take a minute, it’s just pants. All right, I can roll with them for one night. Besides, a wardrobe is cosmetic and you can always help someone spruce up their wardrobe and find their “new” waistline, so not a deal breaker.
Since we were now late, I asked if he had already called the restaurant to push the reservation. Cocky he replied, “They’ll wait for us.” I thought to myself, oh he’s that guy… great. You know the kind of guy who thinks his money affords him all types of courtesies even when it doesn’t?
The car ride. “Do you mind if have music playing?” Being accommodating, of course, I said I didn’t mind. I really didn’t mind, as long as he kept it low so that we can hear each other talk. After all, this was our first real time together. At least I didn’t mind until the next song came on and he turned the volume all the way up! I mean all the way up! “This is my jam!” Yeah, I kind of just caught that, as well as a headache from the volume being on blast.
I’ll admit that we all have our “that’s my jam” moments that can overtake us. But his jam was a Freddie Jackson song! Really? I knew the 80s were back in fashion, but come on! Are you for real? And just like that, the hip older guy that I thought I met the night before was gone, only to be replaced by nothing more than just a plain old man! I guess he decided that hearing his jam wasn’t enough, so he took it to the next level and began to sing along. I’ll admit, he could hold a tune and initially, I was complimentary saying “Wow! You’re a really great singer!” Apparently, that was a big mistake because he took that as permission to continue singing. And so he did. I’m sorry, I don’t think you guys understand, I said he continued! Like he didn’t just sing that song, he continued to turn his singing into a full-blown, old school R&B performance and sang every song that he played! My sarcastic remarks like “You should really go on one of those shows like America’s Got Talent” and “The Voice is really missing out on you” were completely lost on him. It only served to feed his ego. His one-man concert lasted all the way over the hill to the restaurant, not offering an ounce of conversation to the stranger sitting in the car next to him. You already know like I knew right then and there… this was going to make for a long ass night!
So after carpool karaoke ended, we pulled up to this chi-chi-frou-frou restaurant in Beverly Hills. He was definitely trying to impress. Now I’m really not that fancy, but I clean up well. Very well, I might add! The valet opened my door and offered a generous compliment as he assisted me out of the car. We entered the restaurant and the hostess immediately escorted us to our table. As we passed by the other patrons, two other men complimented my dress and my beauty. Note: Sean still had not! However, after hearing the compliments of others, he finally did as well. Well thanks a lot, Late Leonard!
The evening was rolling along, but I’m a teeny bit salty about him being unapologetically late and inattentive, especially since he had previously told me how chivalrous, and gentlemanly he was, neither of which I’m seeing at all at this point! Dinner conversation... sigh. It’s polite. You know the kind, where I’m listening, but I’m not really invested. Especially once he began telling me about how he doesn’t do “typical” black men things. So he’s one of those? Trying to impress me with what he believes are “non-black” activities like golfing or skiing. Dude, please! Every Black person I know plays on courses, hits the slopes, snorkels or jumps out of planes! Go somewhere with that outdated foolishness! I was probably rolling my eyes by now.
Sean moved on to talking about his career and spoke at length about his job examining and correcting feet! Boring to some, maybe, but this was actually when my ears perked up to hear the good part because remember… me + my two feet = a pair of bad feet! Yes, tell me all about it, while I take mental notes of which services I’m going to need to get these bad boys in tip-top stiletto shape! Collapsed arches, neuromas, metatarsal pads... Yes, yes! More! More!!!! However, before I could get more delicious podiatric details out of him, he switched subjects on me rather abruptly. “So let me tell you what I’m looking for.” Ummm okay. Mind you, he didn’t begin by asking me what I’m looking for. I guess he figured he was the total package, so I was looking at everything I wanted. Um no. HA! That was fine. Let’s have him go through his little song and dance and get it over with since he already had some marks against him.
“I’m looking for companionship, someone that I can travel with and enjoy life.” Then bitterly stated: I am NOT looking to get married nor have children.” Let’s take a step back here for a second. That is NOT what his profile said, but that is, in fact, what mine said that I’m looking for—marriage and kids. So knowing that why would he bother to contact me? I’m sure he found out that if he did write that in his profile, his options would be significantly lower, so he kept it out and hoped that his profession, money and overwhelming charm would win the damsel over. How about NOT! So now you’re wasting your time with me, but more importantly, you’re wasting mine!
I immediately realized by his tone that he was trying to bait me. However, I didn’t go for the okey-doke and give him what he wanted— black girl attitude. “Well marriage isn’t for everyone,” I said. “Nor is having kids, it’s all about choices.” He was stunned. “Wow, that’s not the reaction that I expected at all.” Told y’all I knew what he was doing! So I had to ask: “Well what were you expecting?” He had yet to realize that I’m smarter than the average bear, and only asked to confirm what I already knew. Now when someone is dead-set firm in their beliefs, there is no way that I will try and dissuade them. It’s a waste of energy and again, my time. So no thanks! “Usually when I tell women that I’m not interested in those things, they immediately blow up and get an attitude like what’s wrong with getting married and wanting a family?” Again, I didn’t react the way he thought I would, so he relaxed and I continued to disarm him. “No, I get it. And if that’s what you’re looking for you should absolutely get everything that you want.” I’m sure he thought to himself, okay. She might be a keeper! HA! He’d love that! I am a keeper, but not for his ass.
Fortunately for me, that’s when the waiter crossed over and saved me from having to delve deeper. “Your dessert.” Ahhhh, the chocolate soufflé! Yes, I am absolutely having some dessert, the sweetest thing to happen this evening! Thank you, Lord! The night was finally coming to an end and I was indeed thankful. That was some damn good dessert, too. I’m just sayin’.
Oh, look at the time, time to go! Yes, please.The valet brought the car around and I couldn’t wait to get in so I could get home. Shit, for all of the fooleywang tonight that I endured, my ass could’ve stayed home and had a V-8!
I know what you’re wondering… Did he sing in the car on the way back to my house? Think he didn’t when he did? Damn sure did! But this time, I sang along with him because I knew it was his swan song goodbye. Plus I can’t sing a lick, so I was totally messing up his show!
Finally, we were back in front of my apartment, ending much like it began. Getting picked up and now dropped off by a virtual stranger. I exited the car and thanked him for dinner.
“Yes, it was great. Hopefully, we can do it again, Gabrielle.” Well keep hope alive, brother because that won’t be happening anytime soon! HA!
As I walked to my apartment I reflected on the evening and how disappointed I was with its outcome. Not because of the date itself, I mean Sean was a total hot mess of a grown man, but no, it wasn’t that. It was really because I still have two bad feet and my hope of free podiatry services is now gone!!!
But y’all know he called the next day, though, right?! Please! I don’t think so wannabe Freddie! DELETE! Next!!!
