My dating life is like anyone else's. It's filled with beginnings and endings, laughs and pains, highs and lows, love and foolishness! On this site I will be sharing some of those stories with you. To hide the identity of the guilty, I will never use the real names of the men I’ve dated in my postings.
However, before we get to those stories, I wanted to let you know how I ended up here. Last year on my birthday, I went to a lounge and ended up running into a guy that I've known for years. We'll call him Patrick. Medium height, dark, handsome and was looking mighty spiffy in his suit and tie that evening. Patrick and I would always see each other out at events or birthday parties, shared a few laughs and even a few dances, but that was it. However, this particular night, I was all done up and fancy! Hair was laid, dress was short and tight, and stilettos rocked! It was a version of me that he had never seen, so he was a bit taken aback, to which he admitted. He was like "Wow"! Yeah, I know, I was working what my momma gave me!
Before I left the lounge for the night, he caught up with me and asked if he could have my number and take me out. My reply, “Of course, you may!” And that's how it began. He called and invited me to dinner and a movie. I had no expectations, and I don't think he did either. We both had really busy calendars at the time, but managed to find a couple of days a week here and there to go out. For two months, we did regular date stuff. He would call and make plans for us in advance. We spent a lot of time together, movies, bowling, parties, breakfast, lunch, and dinners, etc. We communicated daily via phone, text, and email. He was a total gentleman. It was so nice having a companion again, instead of doing everything solo. Most importantly, a companion whose company I thoroughly enjoyed as much as he did mine.
Our physical relationship started as it should, slowly! When we saw each other we would of course hug as we had always done as friends, but that was it. We didn’t even hold hands or share a kiss until we were a couple of months in, we just really took our time getting to know one another. Nearly three months into dating, we finally decided to take things to the next level. It was nothing short of AMAZING! Did I say AMAZING?! Oh I did, but no really, it was more like AHHMAZING!!! It was AMAZING, CONNECTED, and CONSISTENT!!! And it would be that way every single time for the next 9 or so months.
Eventually, Patrick introduced me to some of his close friends and family members, to which I was a bit apprehensive at first, but went with it. I came to adore them just as much as I did him. It seemed as though we were becoming quite the couple without even realizing it. We were in our own little dating bubble. Everything was going great, he was the calm to my storm. We never had an argument, any cross words, not even a minor misunderstanding. Those who know me know that I have to fight at work, fight in my career, so I don’t want to come home and have to fight there, too. I need my relationships to be easy, I need them to be my refuge. And he was. Little did I know that was all about to change...
One night we attended a friend’s birthday party and someone asked if us why we were leaving together. Um, because we’re together. That’s when he mentioned to me that someone else had asked him the previous week if we were in fact together. And just like that, the bubble burst! It was kind of odd since our relationship wasn't a secret; we weren't hiding it or hiding from anyone. We did everything and went everywhere very much in plain view, even showing public displays of affection, but we also weren't widely publicizing it. I'm not sure if that was where the shift happened, but from that night on, things seemed to slowly, but surely change.
I noticed that he stopped planning to go places and do things with me in advance, and would instead hit me up at the last minute and ask if I wanted to go and do something. He would attend an event and then text me and ask me why wasn't I there. Ummmm, maybe because I didn't know about it and you clearly didn't think to invite me, so that could be the reason. He was becoming distant, our time together became less and less, and I saw it all rapidly unfolding.
Then one day after we left the movies together, I got out of his car and realized that things really just weren’t the same anymore. So I sent him a text about an hour later saying "If whatever we had is over, it's okay. I really enjoyed our time together, so thanks for the ride." His reaction kind of threw me for a loop. Instead of texting back, he called me immediately and asked, "Who do you think you are? It was a nice ride?" Ooooh weeee, he was mad at me!!!
I simply stood by what I wrote and explained to him that things simply were not the same. He reluctantly admitted that they weren’t, that his schedule had gotten crazy with multiple work projects coupled with personal issues with his family. You see, I would rather leave when I see it’s going down than have it go down and not like you anymore.
Long story short, we decided it would probably be best to be less than what we had become. It wasn't easy, which we both soon found out soon enough. I knew that I would be weak to see him, spend time with him, and be with him, so I asked him not to call, text, or email me. That worked for all of about a month, which is when I broke down and called him. He followed my request, however, and didn't answer my call. Yes, he did it! He stayed strong!! Relieved, I left him a voice message-- "Oh my goodness! I'm soooo glad that you didn't answer my call! I was having the dirtiest, nastiest thoughts about you and I don't need you to participate in my foolishness! Whew! So thank you so much for not answering. Remember! Don't ever answer my calls or texts! Have a great day!" I'm sure he listened to that message and thought to himself, she's totally lost it!
A few more weeks went by when on a Saturday afternoon I was leaving a store that was near his house, so I called him. Again, he didn't answer, but this time I was actually disappointed. He really wasn't answering my calls anymore. Voice message "Hey, it's me. You know you don't always have to not answer my calls." I mean-- Just then, my phone rang right back! Yay, it was Patrick calling on the other line! He told me he wasn’t sure if he should return the call but was glad he did and to come on by. I was nervous but excited to see him again. We sat and talked for a couple of hours, catching up on each other’s lives. He told me how hard it was for him to not answer my calls or contact me, and I echoed the same sentiments. A few I miss you's and kisses before I left, and that was it. That is until I got home. I sent him a text asking if he had plans that evening, and that was all it took. We were back! The next morning when we woke up he said, all of this from one phone call, huh? I replied, “I told you not to answer my calls!!!”
After that night, we did a few more go-outs and a few more sleepover visits, but they faded away because it was still too hard for me, I wanted more and I wanted it back to the way it used to be. A couple of months later, he took me out to lunch for my birthday. Although I wanted to sit right next to him, tell him so badly how much I missed him, hold his hand, shower him with kisses, but I refrained and we sat across from one another and just talked as friends do. Near the end of lunch, I’m not sure how it came up, but he mentioned that someone in his family commented that they didn't think he would ever get married, while another family member said they thought he would eventually marry. He said that he’s always remembered what his father told him about meeting the right woman. He said, "Son when you know you'll know." My heart immediately sank! This man who I love, admire and adore just sat across from me and said, "When you know you'll know." This meant one of two things to me-- after being with me he still didn't know yet, or after being with me he knew and he knew that it wasn't me. Neither of which were good. I was devastated, heartbroken and could barely hold back my tears. I excused myself and went to the ladies room to try and regain some composure. I stood and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, tears streaming down my face, and tried to figure out why it’s so difficult to love someone and just have them love you back. I often wonder to myself if people truly know what qualities they should be looking for in a life partner. And what if when they finally realize it was all in a person they’re no longer dating, would that person still be available to them? I guess that's one of the risks of love you take, right? After a few minutes of sulking, I wiped my eyes, took a few deep breaths, then went back to the table and asked if he was ready to go.
We walked to the parking garage, he gave me a kiss goodbye, and we went our separate ways. We still run into each other every now and again, but not as much. The hardest part has been losing him as a close friend, especially since he had become my voice of reason in my times of frustration. To this day I still don’t actually know what happened, why things went south, which has left me with many unanswered questions, but I had to keep moving forward.
That is the story, that’s how I ended up right here right now. The ending of my most recent relationship, which has landed me right back into the dating pool. As Jerry McGuire so eloquently stated, "Jump right into my nightmare, the water is warm."
Now you know a little bit about how I got here. So let the stories of my dating misadventures with all of their glorious fooleywang begin!
However, before we get to those stories, I wanted to let you know how I ended up here. Last year on my birthday, I went to a lounge and ended up running into a guy that I've known for years. We'll call him Patrick. Medium height, dark, handsome and was looking mighty spiffy in his suit and tie that evening. Patrick and I would always see each other out at events or birthday parties, shared a few laughs and even a few dances, but that was it. However, this particular night, I was all done up and fancy! Hair was laid, dress was short and tight, and stilettos rocked! It was a version of me that he had never seen, so he was a bit taken aback, to which he admitted. He was like "Wow"! Yeah, I know, I was working what my momma gave me!
Before I left the lounge for the night, he caught up with me and asked if he could have my number and take me out. My reply, “Of course, you may!” And that's how it began. He called and invited me to dinner and a movie. I had no expectations, and I don't think he did either. We both had really busy calendars at the time, but managed to find a couple of days a week here and there to go out. For two months, we did regular date stuff. He would call and make plans for us in advance. We spent a lot of time together, movies, bowling, parties, breakfast, lunch, and dinners, etc. We communicated daily via phone, text, and email. He was a total gentleman. It was so nice having a companion again, instead of doing everything solo. Most importantly, a companion whose company I thoroughly enjoyed as much as he did mine.
Our physical relationship started as it should, slowly! When we saw each other we would of course hug as we had always done as friends, but that was it. We didn’t even hold hands or share a kiss until we were a couple of months in, we just really took our time getting to know one another. Nearly three months into dating, we finally decided to take things to the next level. It was nothing short of AMAZING! Did I say AMAZING?! Oh I did, but no really, it was more like AHHMAZING!!! It was AMAZING, CONNECTED, and CONSISTENT!!! And it would be that way every single time for the next 9 or so months.
Eventually, Patrick introduced me to some of his close friends and family members, to which I was a bit apprehensive at first, but went with it. I came to adore them just as much as I did him. It seemed as though we were becoming quite the couple without even realizing it. We were in our own little dating bubble. Everything was going great, he was the calm to my storm. We never had an argument, any cross words, not even a minor misunderstanding. Those who know me know that I have to fight at work, fight in my career, so I don’t want to come home and have to fight there, too. I need my relationships to be easy, I need them to be my refuge. And he was. Little did I know that was all about to change...
One night we attended a friend’s birthday party and someone asked if us why we were leaving together. Um, because we’re together. That’s when he mentioned to me that someone else had asked him the previous week if we were in fact together. And just like that, the bubble burst! It was kind of odd since our relationship wasn't a secret; we weren't hiding it or hiding from anyone. We did everything and went everywhere very much in plain view, even showing public displays of affection, but we also weren't widely publicizing it. I'm not sure if that was where the shift happened, but from that night on, things seemed to slowly, but surely change.
I noticed that he stopped planning to go places and do things with me in advance, and would instead hit me up at the last minute and ask if I wanted to go and do something. He would attend an event and then text me and ask me why wasn't I there. Ummmm, maybe because I didn't know about it and you clearly didn't think to invite me, so that could be the reason. He was becoming distant, our time together became less and less, and I saw it all rapidly unfolding.
Then one day after we left the movies together, I got out of his car and realized that things really just weren’t the same anymore. So I sent him a text about an hour later saying "If whatever we had is over, it's okay. I really enjoyed our time together, so thanks for the ride." His reaction kind of threw me for a loop. Instead of texting back, he called me immediately and asked, "Who do you think you are? It was a nice ride?" Ooooh weeee, he was mad at me!!!
I simply stood by what I wrote and explained to him that things simply were not the same. He reluctantly admitted that they weren’t, that his schedule had gotten crazy with multiple work projects coupled with personal issues with his family. You see, I would rather leave when I see it’s going down than have it go down and not like you anymore.
Long story short, we decided it would probably be best to be less than what we had become. It wasn't easy, which we both soon found out soon enough. I knew that I would be weak to see him, spend time with him, and be with him, so I asked him not to call, text, or email me. That worked for all of about a month, which is when I broke down and called him. He followed my request, however, and didn't answer my call. Yes, he did it! He stayed strong!! Relieved, I left him a voice message-- "Oh my goodness! I'm soooo glad that you didn't answer my call! I was having the dirtiest, nastiest thoughts about you and I don't need you to participate in my foolishness! Whew! So thank you so much for not answering. Remember! Don't ever answer my calls or texts! Have a great day!" I'm sure he listened to that message and thought to himself, she's totally lost it!
A few more weeks went by when on a Saturday afternoon I was leaving a store that was near his house, so I called him. Again, he didn't answer, but this time I was actually disappointed. He really wasn't answering my calls anymore. Voice message "Hey, it's me. You know you don't always have to not answer my calls." I mean-- Just then, my phone rang right back! Yay, it was Patrick calling on the other line! He told me he wasn’t sure if he should return the call but was glad he did and to come on by. I was nervous but excited to see him again. We sat and talked for a couple of hours, catching up on each other’s lives. He told me how hard it was for him to not answer my calls or contact me, and I echoed the same sentiments. A few I miss you's and kisses before I left, and that was it. That is until I got home. I sent him a text asking if he had plans that evening, and that was all it took. We were back! The next morning when we woke up he said, all of this from one phone call, huh? I replied, “I told you not to answer my calls!!!”
After that night, we did a few more go-outs and a few more sleepover visits, but they faded away because it was still too hard for me, I wanted more and I wanted it back to the way it used to be. A couple of months later, he took me out to lunch for my birthday. Although I wanted to sit right next to him, tell him so badly how much I missed him, hold his hand, shower him with kisses, but I refrained and we sat across from one another and just talked as friends do. Near the end of lunch, I’m not sure how it came up, but he mentioned that someone in his family commented that they didn't think he would ever get married, while another family member said they thought he would eventually marry. He said that he’s always remembered what his father told him about meeting the right woman. He said, "Son when you know you'll know." My heart immediately sank! This man who I love, admire and adore just sat across from me and said, "When you know you'll know." This meant one of two things to me-- after being with me he still didn't know yet, or after being with me he knew and he knew that it wasn't me. Neither of which were good. I was devastated, heartbroken and could barely hold back my tears. I excused myself and went to the ladies room to try and regain some composure. I stood and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, tears streaming down my face, and tried to figure out why it’s so difficult to love someone and just have them love you back. I often wonder to myself if people truly know what qualities they should be looking for in a life partner. And what if when they finally realize it was all in a person they’re no longer dating, would that person still be available to them? I guess that's one of the risks of love you take, right? After a few minutes of sulking, I wiped my eyes, took a few deep breaths, then went back to the table and asked if he was ready to go.
We walked to the parking garage, he gave me a kiss goodbye, and we went our separate ways. We still run into each other every now and again, but not as much. The hardest part has been losing him as a close friend, especially since he had become my voice of reason in my times of frustration. To this day I still don’t actually know what happened, why things went south, which has left me with many unanswered questions, but I had to keep moving forward.
That is the story, that’s how I ended up right here right now. The ending of my most recent relationship, which has landed me right back into the dating pool. As Jerry McGuire so eloquently stated, "Jump right into my nightmare, the water is warm."
Now you know a little bit about how I got here. So let the stories of my dating misadventures with all of their glorious fooleywang begin!
