I’m the first to admit that I’m well… frugal. However, I’m frugal in the I-love-getting-a-good-deal kind of frugal, although others may call that cheap. Nevertheless, I know how to find some bargains, some really good deals! I buy quality clothes, shoes, accessories, and home furnishings, but I purchase them at ultra-low prices. Okay fine, I’m cheap.
But let’s be clear, I am not a cheap date! However, not being a cheap date doesn’t mean that a guy has to take me to the snazziest, most chi-chi-frou-frou restaurant in town and go broke doing it. It does mean that wherever we do go, I do expect him, as a gentleman, to pay. I will work within your budget constraints, especially for a first date in order to keep things light and easy. If we need to hit a happy hour for five dollars drinks, I’m 'bout it 'bout it. Again, I will work within your budget constraints. Working within those constraints brings me to Carlos. Ahhhh, Carlos. He was a special one. And by special I do mean “little yellow bus” special.
Carlos and I met virtually on a dating site, and after exchanging a few emails, we chatted on the phone briefly to set up a meeting time and place. For this date, I decided to switch things up a bit and instead of doing a meet-and-greet, I thought, well having a meal instead couldn’t be that bad, right? Note to self: it is that bad! To those of you who are dating in cyberspace, do not, I repeat, DO NOT meet anyone for a full-blown meal if you have not first done a meet-and-greet over coffee or drinks. Why do you ask? Because halfway through the meal you’re kicking yourself for being so foolish and now having to sit through an entire meal with someone that you realize you’re really not that interested in. Meeting for coffee or drinks can always lead to a meal if you’re enjoying each other’s company. But if you do the meal without vetting their ass first, you’re stuck for at least an entire cringe-worthy hour!
Since we lived quite a distance from one another, I picked a halfway point, which was the Hughes Center in Culver City. For that alone, he should have greeted me with a crown and a bouquet of roses because I was volunteering to fight the hellish traffic on the 405 just to meet up! Those folks who live in LA will feel me on that one! Anyway, the meeting was going to be during lunch hours, so I suggested Islands because it has a low price-point (see I'm reasonable), and let’s face it, they have some amazing french fries! Everyone who knows me knows I’m all about fries!
The place was set, so now it was time to prep for the date. Not wanting to show too much on a first meeting, I arrived in a casual skirt and tank top. Skirts are kind of my thing! Skirts and dresses really. You already know heels are a must, and I never disappoint. As for the face, I like to keep my makeup minimum, and I always try my best to look like my profile pictures. So if my hair is straight in my photos, I usually wear it straight when I first meet someone, which was the case here as well. So I’m cute, I’m ready.
I arrived a little early, you know, to scope him out as he arrived. He arrived on time, so at least I can say he was punctual. But... I guess since we were meeting at Islands, he decided to prep as well and made the fashion choice to look the part, so he arrived wearing jeans, a Hawaiian shirt, and a straw hat! Really? Uh, we are not at a damn luau. Here we go! So we shook hands and introduced ourselves. Carlos: “Wow, you’re really beautiful. You look just like your pictures.” I tell him “Thanks”, but I’m really thinking: “Wow! You don’t look like yours! In person, you look at least ten years older and ten years heavier than your pictures!” Maybe he thought the hat would shade his age and the shirt's pattern would help mask his potbelly… it did not on either front.
Other notes to self: when you don’t see any current body shots on a person’s online profile, beware! And if the pictures aren’t in full Technicolor, but instead are faded and kind of blurry… again beware because those pictures are old as hell! Men know how to post deceiving pictures just as much as women do. They also know how to check the box on their profile that says they’re “active” or “in shape”. In shape does not mean doing hand lifts with dozens of donuts to your mouth, Tubby! BONG!!!
Did I mention he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and straw hat? Like are you for real? So immediately I already knew three things: 1) he wasn’t totally honest in his profile; 2) he had no sense of fashion at all; and 3) he doesn’t take care of his body, his temple or should I say his stadium. I'm just saying… I work hard to keep myself slender and in shape, and because I do, I expect whomever I’m with to do the same. For some women, that’s their thing, but for me, I find nothing sexy about a potbelly. So if I show up to meet you without a belly, and you show up with one, I already know we don’t share the same type of lifestyle. Now if you show up with a belly and tell me sincerely how you are working on losing it and want to become more active, then I may give you a shot. However, if you rub your belly like he did and tell me “this means success”, you have successfully written yourself off!
It’s hard to be honest about our own shit, but the least you can do is be honest when the evidence you present is going to give you away. The date only just started and already I was regretting the fact that this lunch was going to last longer than I wanted it to.
Now for those of you who don’t know the type of food served at this restaurant, it’s basically burgers and fries, so I kept it real simple and really inexpensive for us. The server came over to take our order. Carlos immediately ordered, “I want the Big Wave burger with cheese and a basket of fries.” Hold the fry up! Did you just order before me? Ooooh! I cannot stand a man who does not have manners or etiquette. At least he ordered fries. You know, the ones I love so much? Maybe he was just nervous and jumped the gun, so I let it go and moved on. Who knows, he could make up for it, right?
The conversation was decent, but I kept it pretty surface, not wanting to get too deep—my job, his job, our interests, and hobbies, etc. Then the conversation veered and he began to talk about his previous dating experiences. Carlos said: Yeah, I did everything for her. I paid all of the bills and took care of her, and then as soon as I hit a rough patch she bailed. She wasn’t nothing but a damn gold digger. But it’s her loss ‘cause I’m back.” Back? Naw homie, you’re still back there because you’re not even healed from that relationship. Ummm Bitter-- party of one! Ladies, there are a lot of damaged men out there. So when you meet them, do yourself a favor… walk away and let them heal. Please!!!
Now ladies and gentlemen, let me help you with inappropriate first date conversation--your ex-life and your sex life. Despite what Salt-N-Pepa’s song says, let’s NOT talk about sex, baby. At least not right away. It’s obvious to me that talking about sex on a first date is inappropriate if you’re looking for something more meaningful than just getting laid. Less obvious may be trash talking your ex to someone who you’re trying to potentially date. For one thing, it just makes you sound bitter like you’re blaming your ex for the failed relationship. For another and most importantly, I really don’t care! I’m not invested enough in you to care about your old drama yet. So here’s a tip for all of you-- if the subject happens to come up, take the high road and just say it ended due to the failure of both parties and move things along. As the conversation continued, I kind of realized that we weren’t going to be a good fit. I still listened and was plugged in because you never know, your initial impression could be wrong about a person. For the record, mine are usually right on the money. No, like right on the money.
We were done eating and I was so ready to bring things to a close. Yes! Please and thank you!!! So I was happy to ask our server, “Can we get the check, please?” The bill was roughly $26.00. Again, I expect a man to be a gentleman and offer to pay. As not to assume, however, I reached into my purse and pulled out a twenty for my share of the bill. What does he do? He pulls out a hundred dollar bill. Oh okay big baller, pulling out the big dollars. So I think that he’s going to say, “Don’t worry about it, I got it.” Clearly, I thought wrong. This fool takes my money, puts it in the fold with his 100 then asks the waitress to split the bill. Uhhhhhh what? I’m sorry, what?! Uh yeah!
I don’t even have to tell you, there is no need for him to ever call me again. What’s funny is that he actually thought the date went well! So what did he do? He had the nerve to call me for a second date! Yeah, you’d love that, Tubby. Umm, I don’t think so, Hawaiian boy! Like I said, I may be cheap, but I don’t do cheap!
Next!!!
But let’s be clear, I am not a cheap date! However, not being a cheap date doesn’t mean that a guy has to take me to the snazziest, most chi-chi-frou-frou restaurant in town and go broke doing it. It does mean that wherever we do go, I do expect him, as a gentleman, to pay. I will work within your budget constraints, especially for a first date in order to keep things light and easy. If we need to hit a happy hour for five dollars drinks, I’m 'bout it 'bout it. Again, I will work within your budget constraints. Working within those constraints brings me to Carlos. Ahhhh, Carlos. He was a special one. And by special I do mean “little yellow bus” special.
Carlos and I met virtually on a dating site, and after exchanging a few emails, we chatted on the phone briefly to set up a meeting time and place. For this date, I decided to switch things up a bit and instead of doing a meet-and-greet, I thought, well having a meal instead couldn’t be that bad, right? Note to self: it is that bad! To those of you who are dating in cyberspace, do not, I repeat, DO NOT meet anyone for a full-blown meal if you have not first done a meet-and-greet over coffee or drinks. Why do you ask? Because halfway through the meal you’re kicking yourself for being so foolish and now having to sit through an entire meal with someone that you realize you’re really not that interested in. Meeting for coffee or drinks can always lead to a meal if you’re enjoying each other’s company. But if you do the meal without vetting their ass first, you’re stuck for at least an entire cringe-worthy hour!
Since we lived quite a distance from one another, I picked a halfway point, which was the Hughes Center in Culver City. For that alone, he should have greeted me with a crown and a bouquet of roses because I was volunteering to fight the hellish traffic on the 405 just to meet up! Those folks who live in LA will feel me on that one! Anyway, the meeting was going to be during lunch hours, so I suggested Islands because it has a low price-point (see I'm reasonable), and let’s face it, they have some amazing french fries! Everyone who knows me knows I’m all about fries!
The place was set, so now it was time to prep for the date. Not wanting to show too much on a first meeting, I arrived in a casual skirt and tank top. Skirts are kind of my thing! Skirts and dresses really. You already know heels are a must, and I never disappoint. As for the face, I like to keep my makeup minimum, and I always try my best to look like my profile pictures. So if my hair is straight in my photos, I usually wear it straight when I first meet someone, which was the case here as well. So I’m cute, I’m ready.
I arrived a little early, you know, to scope him out as he arrived. He arrived on time, so at least I can say he was punctual. But... I guess since we were meeting at Islands, he decided to prep as well and made the fashion choice to look the part, so he arrived wearing jeans, a Hawaiian shirt, and a straw hat! Really? Uh, we are not at a damn luau. Here we go! So we shook hands and introduced ourselves. Carlos: “Wow, you’re really beautiful. You look just like your pictures.” I tell him “Thanks”, but I’m really thinking: “Wow! You don’t look like yours! In person, you look at least ten years older and ten years heavier than your pictures!” Maybe he thought the hat would shade his age and the shirt's pattern would help mask his potbelly… it did not on either front.
Other notes to self: when you don’t see any current body shots on a person’s online profile, beware! And if the pictures aren’t in full Technicolor, but instead are faded and kind of blurry… again beware because those pictures are old as hell! Men know how to post deceiving pictures just as much as women do. They also know how to check the box on their profile that says they’re “active” or “in shape”. In shape does not mean doing hand lifts with dozens of donuts to your mouth, Tubby! BONG!!!
Did I mention he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and straw hat? Like are you for real? So immediately I already knew three things: 1) he wasn’t totally honest in his profile; 2) he had no sense of fashion at all; and 3) he doesn’t take care of his body, his temple or should I say his stadium. I'm just saying… I work hard to keep myself slender and in shape, and because I do, I expect whomever I’m with to do the same. For some women, that’s their thing, but for me, I find nothing sexy about a potbelly. So if I show up to meet you without a belly, and you show up with one, I already know we don’t share the same type of lifestyle. Now if you show up with a belly and tell me sincerely how you are working on losing it and want to become more active, then I may give you a shot. However, if you rub your belly like he did and tell me “this means success”, you have successfully written yourself off!
It’s hard to be honest about our own shit, but the least you can do is be honest when the evidence you present is going to give you away. The date only just started and already I was regretting the fact that this lunch was going to last longer than I wanted it to.
Now for those of you who don’t know the type of food served at this restaurant, it’s basically burgers and fries, so I kept it real simple and really inexpensive for us. The server came over to take our order. Carlos immediately ordered, “I want the Big Wave burger with cheese and a basket of fries.” Hold the fry up! Did you just order before me? Ooooh! I cannot stand a man who does not have manners or etiquette. At least he ordered fries. You know, the ones I love so much? Maybe he was just nervous and jumped the gun, so I let it go and moved on. Who knows, he could make up for it, right?
The conversation was decent, but I kept it pretty surface, not wanting to get too deep—my job, his job, our interests, and hobbies, etc. Then the conversation veered and he began to talk about his previous dating experiences. Carlos said: Yeah, I did everything for her. I paid all of the bills and took care of her, and then as soon as I hit a rough patch she bailed. She wasn’t nothing but a damn gold digger. But it’s her loss ‘cause I’m back.” Back? Naw homie, you’re still back there because you’re not even healed from that relationship. Ummm Bitter-- party of one! Ladies, there are a lot of damaged men out there. So when you meet them, do yourself a favor… walk away and let them heal. Please!!!
Now ladies and gentlemen, let me help you with inappropriate first date conversation--your ex-life and your sex life. Despite what Salt-N-Pepa’s song says, let’s NOT talk about sex, baby. At least not right away. It’s obvious to me that talking about sex on a first date is inappropriate if you’re looking for something more meaningful than just getting laid. Less obvious may be trash talking your ex to someone who you’re trying to potentially date. For one thing, it just makes you sound bitter like you’re blaming your ex for the failed relationship. For another and most importantly, I really don’t care! I’m not invested enough in you to care about your old drama yet. So here’s a tip for all of you-- if the subject happens to come up, take the high road and just say it ended due to the failure of both parties and move things along. As the conversation continued, I kind of realized that we weren’t going to be a good fit. I still listened and was plugged in because you never know, your initial impression could be wrong about a person. For the record, mine are usually right on the money. No, like right on the money.
We were done eating and I was so ready to bring things to a close. Yes! Please and thank you!!! So I was happy to ask our server, “Can we get the check, please?” The bill was roughly $26.00. Again, I expect a man to be a gentleman and offer to pay. As not to assume, however, I reached into my purse and pulled out a twenty for my share of the bill. What does he do? He pulls out a hundred dollar bill. Oh okay big baller, pulling out the big dollars. So I think that he’s going to say, “Don’t worry about it, I got it.” Clearly, I thought wrong. This fool takes my money, puts it in the fold with his 100 then asks the waitress to split the bill. Uhhhhhh what? I’m sorry, what?! Uh yeah!
I don’t even have to tell you, there is no need for him to ever call me again. What’s funny is that he actually thought the date went well! So what did he do? He had the nerve to call me for a second date! Yeah, you’d love that, Tubby. Umm, I don’t think so, Hawaiian boy! Like I said, I may be cheap, but I don’t do cheap!
Next!!!
