Why oh why do I keep finding myself dating online? I don’t know why I do it, I really don't. I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment. I take that back, I do know why I do it. I do it because I get tired of sitting home alone every single day, week in and week out, month after month. I do it because I’m still holding out hope that on the other end of that profile is the right man for me. So every now and then I break down and log on to a dating site to help snap me out of my hum-drum dating life or lack thereof. So here goes nothing… again! This time I didn’t do their whole 6-month package foolishness, I only signed up for 30 days. Why? For a few reasons: 1) The site becomes too much work for me after 30 days; 2) I become disheartened when no one responds to my flirts; and 3) Y'all know I’m cheap, jeez!
So let me break each of those points down for you. Number one, I already work on a computer all day, so I’m not really trying to sit and look at one during my personal time. I mean come on already! I don’t want to have more screen time I want more face time, and I don’t mean on an iPhone! Plus, I keep a very busy schedule. You know with all of the couch sitting, dog walking, lack of working out, very little eating and sleeping, I mean who really has the time to sit in front of the computer all day and search for someone, then send a bunch of emails back and forth and back and forth and back and forth! UGH! It’s exhausting! Secondly, there are the suitors. Let’s see if I can put this gently… hmmmm, no I can’t, I just can’t! I just have to keep it real. The suitors I always get emails from are either super old, super fat, or super ugly men! Sometimes I want to write in my profile, I’m not fucking desperate! Good Lawd!! For those of you who don’t know about the online dating life, men on those sites talk mad shit about women being deceitful with their profiles, but they are big ole liars themselves! I cannot tell you how many men I’ve met for drinks who show up looking like a fatter, older or balder version of themselves! Women, here’s a tip— the men who wear baseball caps in all of their photos, or men who only post pics from the chest up, beware! They’re hiding some real truth about themselves, and it looks like bald and fat! Sometimes I think the men are actually worse than the very women whose online presence they complain about. Lastly, I’m not trying to keep spending money just to be disappointed and no further along than where I started. Let’s keep it real, I’d rather spend that money on a nice pair of shoes or a beautiful dress. Know what I’m saying? Anyway, let me get to the story because I could spend all day on this foolishness right here!
So… I check my inbox one day to find an email from a very handsome, somewhat older gentleman that I’ll call Lyle. So we spoke on the phone and he was also intelligent, cultured, and had a good sense of humor. Since he worked close to my place, we decided to meet somewhere nearby, a nice casual spot. I’ve been to the restaurant before, and because weren’t going anywhere fancy, I wore a sort of hobo chic outfit— a long, maxi skirt, a baggy tank top, and sandals. It was still sunny outside, but I had forgotten my shades. However, wanted to take in some good vitamin D, I stopped and looked up to admire the sun setting and how beautiful of an evening it was turning out to be. Oh!!! Why of why did I do that? Now I have that sunshine thing happening in my eyeballs! You know how it is when you look directly at the sun for too long and it like remains in your eyeballs, so you can’t really see anything clearly for a minute or so? Yeah, so that was happening as I turned the corner to the cafe.
I walked, in the distance, I could see Lyle, who waved to me, and was already there standing near the entrance. Now I’m still a bit blind, but I can at least make out that he is tall and slender like his profile stated, which is sort of my thing. He had come directly from work, so he was quite dapper in his suit. As I got closer to him, my vision finally began to adjust, and it was like the lenses on my eyeballs had just defrosted and that’s when I saw it! The turkey neck giggling under his chin! OMG, what?! As I now stood across from him and we greeted each other with a handshake, the truth became more and more evident. This man lied, lied, lied in his profile! I cannot with this damn internet! I mean he was at least 20 years older than me! Now I get shaving off a couple of years (I’m guilty of dropping a year or two myself) because there is an algorithm to online dating, and you want to have the widest scope possible, especially if you are open to dating someone a bit younger or older for that matter. I’ve even seen people put a different age on their profile, either younger or older, however, they are up front in their profiles and reveal their actual age. That’s fine and totally acceptable. But 20 years?! I’m sorry, you can’t hide 20 years and show up like I’m not going to notice! That’s just bananas!
So now I feel completely bamboozled! Looking back, I should have left politeness aside and simply not gone forward with the date. However, not wanting to be a total bitch, I went ahead and entertained Lyle. After all, maybe there was a good reason for his complete and utter dishonesty. Let’s see!
We sat and ordered appetizers, and I started by asking him how dating on the site had been for him. He said that he was only for a month, but he hadn’t had any real luck with potential matches because the women use old pictures and look nothing like them, are heavier, or totally use someone else’s photo altogether. Hmmm, sound familiar? “One woman even told me that she was using her friend’s picture for her profile, but I decided to meet her anyway.” What?! Like I get that we all want to love and to be loved, but come on dumb-dumb! Why would you still go to meet her? She obviously has issues! Just dumb!!! Now I’m thinking he must have issues too, and his stock completely plummeted. Why did I even entertain this foolish man?
Now I’ve been told by many people that my face speaks volumes. Something that I continue to try and work on, but at times, my face will truly say what I’m thinking without me saying a word. At this point, the volume must have been on blast because upon looking at me and realizing that I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew I was thinking that his ass straight up lied to me, too, Lyle asked me if I had similar experiences on the site, and still went out with the person anyway. Ummm excuse me, I’m living one right now!! Ugh! So instead of being mean and nasty about it, I used that moment to be honest, but remain kind.
“You know what Lyle? I wouldn’t be able to actually date someone who wasn’t honest with me about themselves from the beginning because if they’re willing to lie about little bits of information about themselves from jump, what big things would they be willing to rationalize and lie to me about?” So y’all already know from my response that it was pretty much a wrap after that, right?
Although Lyle was very handsome, active and interesting man, he was not honest with me about who he really was. We were both very polite as we finished our meal, said our goodbyes and although he promised to call me, I knew that I’d never hear from him again. He got the point, and he knew that his dishonesty cost him a potential relationship. Maybe it’ll be a lesson learned. Hopefully for me as well. I tend not to ask as many questions as I need to, especially when dating online. I’m working on that because I hate people wasting my time. With me, what you see is truly what you get. Well, I do try to pretend I’m cool in person, but I’m really more of a nerd. “You’re so cool, Brewster!” If you know which movie that line is from, then you actually are cool online! HA! Next!!!!
So let me break each of those points down for you. Number one, I already work on a computer all day, so I’m not really trying to sit and look at one during my personal time. I mean come on already! I don’t want to have more screen time I want more face time, and I don’t mean on an iPhone! Plus, I keep a very busy schedule. You know with all of the couch sitting, dog walking, lack of working out, very little eating and sleeping, I mean who really has the time to sit in front of the computer all day and search for someone, then send a bunch of emails back and forth and back and forth and back and forth! UGH! It’s exhausting! Secondly, there are the suitors. Let’s see if I can put this gently… hmmmm, no I can’t, I just can’t! I just have to keep it real. The suitors I always get emails from are either super old, super fat, or super ugly men! Sometimes I want to write in my profile, I’m not fucking desperate! Good Lawd!! For those of you who don’t know about the online dating life, men on those sites talk mad shit about women being deceitful with their profiles, but they are big ole liars themselves! I cannot tell you how many men I’ve met for drinks who show up looking like a fatter, older or balder version of themselves! Women, here’s a tip— the men who wear baseball caps in all of their photos, or men who only post pics from the chest up, beware! They’re hiding some real truth about themselves, and it looks like bald and fat! Sometimes I think the men are actually worse than the very women whose online presence they complain about. Lastly, I’m not trying to keep spending money just to be disappointed and no further along than where I started. Let’s keep it real, I’d rather spend that money on a nice pair of shoes or a beautiful dress. Know what I’m saying? Anyway, let me get to the story because I could spend all day on this foolishness right here!
So… I check my inbox one day to find an email from a very handsome, somewhat older gentleman that I’ll call Lyle. So we spoke on the phone and he was also intelligent, cultured, and had a good sense of humor. Since he worked close to my place, we decided to meet somewhere nearby, a nice casual spot. I’ve been to the restaurant before, and because weren’t going anywhere fancy, I wore a sort of hobo chic outfit— a long, maxi skirt, a baggy tank top, and sandals. It was still sunny outside, but I had forgotten my shades. However, wanted to take in some good vitamin D, I stopped and looked up to admire the sun setting and how beautiful of an evening it was turning out to be. Oh!!! Why of why did I do that? Now I have that sunshine thing happening in my eyeballs! You know how it is when you look directly at the sun for too long and it like remains in your eyeballs, so you can’t really see anything clearly for a minute or so? Yeah, so that was happening as I turned the corner to the cafe.
I walked, in the distance, I could see Lyle, who waved to me, and was already there standing near the entrance. Now I’m still a bit blind, but I can at least make out that he is tall and slender like his profile stated, which is sort of my thing. He had come directly from work, so he was quite dapper in his suit. As I got closer to him, my vision finally began to adjust, and it was like the lenses on my eyeballs had just defrosted and that’s when I saw it! The turkey neck giggling under his chin! OMG, what?! As I now stood across from him and we greeted each other with a handshake, the truth became more and more evident. This man lied, lied, lied in his profile! I cannot with this damn internet! I mean he was at least 20 years older than me! Now I get shaving off a couple of years (I’m guilty of dropping a year or two myself) because there is an algorithm to online dating, and you want to have the widest scope possible, especially if you are open to dating someone a bit younger or older for that matter. I’ve even seen people put a different age on their profile, either younger or older, however, they are up front in their profiles and reveal their actual age. That’s fine and totally acceptable. But 20 years?! I’m sorry, you can’t hide 20 years and show up like I’m not going to notice! That’s just bananas!
So now I feel completely bamboozled! Looking back, I should have left politeness aside and simply not gone forward with the date. However, not wanting to be a total bitch, I went ahead and entertained Lyle. After all, maybe there was a good reason for his complete and utter dishonesty. Let’s see!
We sat and ordered appetizers, and I started by asking him how dating on the site had been for him. He said that he was only for a month, but he hadn’t had any real luck with potential matches because the women use old pictures and look nothing like them, are heavier, or totally use someone else’s photo altogether. Hmmm, sound familiar? “One woman even told me that she was using her friend’s picture for her profile, but I decided to meet her anyway.” What?! Like I get that we all want to love and to be loved, but come on dumb-dumb! Why would you still go to meet her? She obviously has issues! Just dumb!!! Now I’m thinking he must have issues too, and his stock completely plummeted. Why did I even entertain this foolish man?
Now I’ve been told by many people that my face speaks volumes. Something that I continue to try and work on, but at times, my face will truly say what I’m thinking without me saying a word. At this point, the volume must have been on blast because upon looking at me and realizing that I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew I was thinking that his ass straight up lied to me, too, Lyle asked me if I had similar experiences on the site, and still went out with the person anyway. Ummm excuse me, I’m living one right now!! Ugh! So instead of being mean and nasty about it, I used that moment to be honest, but remain kind.
“You know what Lyle? I wouldn’t be able to actually date someone who wasn’t honest with me about themselves from the beginning because if they’re willing to lie about little bits of information about themselves from jump, what big things would they be willing to rationalize and lie to me about?” So y’all already know from my response that it was pretty much a wrap after that, right?
Although Lyle was very handsome, active and interesting man, he was not honest with me about who he really was. We were both very polite as we finished our meal, said our goodbyes and although he promised to call me, I knew that I’d never hear from him again. He got the point, and he knew that his dishonesty cost him a potential relationship. Maybe it’ll be a lesson learned. Hopefully for me as well. I tend not to ask as many questions as I need to, especially when dating online. I’m working on that because I hate people wasting my time. With me, what you see is truly what you get. Well, I do try to pretend I’m cool in person, but I’m really more of a nerd. “You’re so cool, Brewster!” If you know which movie that line is from, then you actually are cool online! HA! Next!!!!
